Tuesday

Moved In

So I'm all moved in here which is nice. My room is still a mess, but that's okay because half of it belongs to C and C for their business. It makes it hard for me to unpack my shit, but that's alright, I get it done eventually.

I was supposed to go out with B on Sunday but fuck him - he ditched. Not that I can really blame him, his GF was there occupying his time - good for her, white trash bitch. anyway, whatever it doesn't matter. I'm kinda tired of being the "other girl" when it comes to relationships, and I'd be fucking stupid if I though I was the only one T was seeing while we dated. Whatever.

It's really not worth it, it never is. All this relationship bullshit. What's the point really?? I'm not sure I understand... If I wanted to just go out and get laid, I'm sure I could... and that, it seems, is all B and I would do.... despite us being friends, the GF always comes first (as she should). It is rather frustrating though.

*sigh* Whatever, I'm on my way to work now, so I should run... 
or..
Maybe I'll sail away to singapore.

Thursday

Zydrate Comes in a Little Glass Vial

So ... What do I say? 

I'm moving tomorrow - Or supposed to be but you never know mom wants to keep me here as long as possible, but I really really want to move *sigh*. I guess it doesn't matter much. Everything is packed... and shit - I just realized I'm going out of town for a bit and I'll need some clothes and stuff - Well this sucks I need to unpack some stuff fuck.

Oh well - as I said; everything is packed, save my bedding and bathroom stuff. And well - computer obviously haha... I am very excited for this. 

AND - did you notice the title is a link? Yes, yes it is - to Repo! The Genetic Opera. It looks like quite the movie and I am quite excited for it to be released. I'm also excited for the soundtrack which comes out September 30th... I think that's right. 

I know all the lyrics to 'Zydrate Anatomy' It's an amazing song - and the movie clip is just as amazing. I've listed to it over 100 times now and I just can't get over it. I love this song. 

I most certainly recommend checking out the site because it's pretty much amazing.

C, C and I are anxiously awaiting its release.

Sunday

You Tell Me

OKAY

So... I don't really know what to say here because I'm not sure what Friday meant... what that kiss meant, but here I go anyway. Despite the fact that I'm kinda going out on a limb to get hurt again, and maybe that's my own fault.

I miss you. Really really really miss you and I don't know what else I'm supposed to say. Ever since friday I've been so out of it because I can't stop thinking about you and about us and how we were before I moved and I feel like shit because I can't help but wonder 'what if I didn't go to BC?' And what if that was kind of.. my big mistake?

I dunno if you noticed every time you made me cry when we were talking, like when you said you treated me like shit - because you didn't. You are... you were (?) the best friend a girl could ask for. You're amazing and no one has treated me like that before or since then, and it hurts. I loved that feeling.

I do remember the night where we didn't do anything or the times when we'd just lie in bed after and whatever... and... I dunno, maybe it was just me - but I really liked those nights (don't get me wrong you're great in bed!) or the nights when we'd go out for coffee and stuff like that and I miss it. I miss you.

Fuck -- now this probably just sounds stupid...

So okay fuck... You kissed me! What the hell was that?? I liked it, I want it - but all it did is make me want more and I can't have more because you have a GF ...

What am I supposed to do?

I really... really need you to tell me, because I don't know anymore.
 

Friday

Cheese Cake

I'm going to see B... We're going for coffee - Is that odd? Should it be odd? Should I feel bad for his white trash whore of a girlfriend?

I don't.

At all. 

In fact, I feel quite good that we are still friends and that we are going for coffee. It makes me glad that we can do that. It makes sense to me... Maybe it shouldn't. I'm really not sure. 

In the end it doesn't matter, I don't think anyway. I really don't think there's a point in any of this mattering. Whatever. It's just coffee. Everybody goes for coffee hell - J and I used to go for coffee and if I thought he'd want to - I'd prolly invite Ct out for coffee as well.

A and I and B and T used to go out for coffee.

Coffee

I love coffee...

Hahaha! Hell - I met B over a cup of nice warm coffee and a plate of cheese cake. Life is good.

Well As long as I have coffee - life is good. ^^

Wednesday

Fringe Me

God... what do I say right now? I feel bad ... A and I went to the fringe with one of my friends, L, and her friend... and hmm.

It was fun! I ran into a lot of people! Hell, even B was there with his bitch whore of a girlfriend that glared at me as she put her glittery sparkly lip gloss on like the fucking bitch whore she is and I wanted to slap her. What a whore, man what a whore!

L was there!! I haven't seen her in so long! and me and A tried calling C, but she was crashed out after classes, so that didn't work all too well. It was fun none the less, made a few new buddies which is cool, and met up with C for a bit there! that guy is fucking sexy as hell! Damn... 

Anyway.. that's not all this post is about... I feel bad. 

I feel really really bad...

Because D and A want me to move in with them... and I can't right now because the place I am moving into is in such a perfect perfect spot. and I honestly think it's the best place I could find right now. I just.. I feel bad because of it. Their having a really really hard time getting money and the such together and i feel like such a shit I dunno what to do!

*sigh*

I really really need a hug.

Tuesday

Topic: Little Black Book

RULES:
1) Once every week you get a topic to write about. The reason it is a secret journal is so that you can let everything out about that topic without being afraid of what someone else will think. Any person you use in the journal is to be given a secret name only you know. Each journal you write must be 250 words long or longer.
2)What you choose to say in your journal is up to you, but it must maintain focus on the given topic, and it must be true.
3)Be honest with yourself.

It is recommended that you begin with a list of topics With the first topic being an INTRODUCTION or Authors Note of sorts.

TOPICS:
Introduction
Relationships
What Breaks a Person
Loneliness
Sex
Life Partner
What Color are your Wings
Violence
Dreams
Rainbows
What is Courage

Any topics that come up while writing the journal will be added to this list.