Monday

Not Even TYNERA Made me Feel This Bad About Myself

Does he Actually think I am going to bed anytime soon? Fuck.. he can be an asshole, I don't think he even cares. We both know there is no way that I am going to be able to sleep until he comes to bed, but CAM is home, so he probably won't come to bed, until she goes to bed. Not surprising, he was probably waiting for her to get home (something he'd never do for me).

I know that he does not like me in the same way that I like him; but the few times that he pretends to like me, and some of the happiest times. It's it bad, that I don't care if his feelings for me are fake? He hurts me so often, and the worst part is: I think he knows he's hurting me, but he does not care. He's worried about his own happiness. I'd give my world for him, and he can't even find it in himself, to come to bed until after I've fallen asleep.

I'm used to people using me. He does it well, he know I would not deny him anything he asked for. Everything I do, I do for him, can he not do this one little thing for me? I'm not used to the idea that it is not my body he wants to use. It's my home, my material things. Why am I with this guy?

Because I LIKE HIM.

Because maybe he will change.

I sound like an abused house wife.... I o not like this, my entire being hurts. My body hurts....

I need to finish this post later. James is HOME.

No comments: