Wednesday

I have no idea what to even write in here right now, I just know that I need to write something. So much SHIT has been happening. I have 5 different people offering me a place to stay (if only for a bit) (thank you: Angel, Kat & Dael, mom, Sharmain, and Auntie) It means a lot. So.... where do I start? James is sleeping not even three feet behind me, so I can't say a whole lot, until he leaves... or whatever... but... I'm not happy.

NOT FUCKING HAPPY!
VIOLENTLY FUCKING UNHAPPY
IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY!

So, simple solution: Break up with James. SURE! sounds great BUT!! but. I can't! .... that's right, I can't. BECAUSE he is living here now. CAM likes him (as does Brodie (I think)) and I'm not enough of a bitch to just toss him on the street. Maybe I should be. The other problem is :: Owen. Great guy from what I've seen. I'm scared that if I toss James out, Owen will follow, and then we're stuck looking for a new roomie. Not so cool. I can't do that.

To be honest, i was going to do it tonight.

It was going to be the end of all the shit and every-fucking-thing else! BUUUTTT NO! No it never fucking works out that way! EVER! Every other guy that treated me like shit, I was able to drop in a SECOND! not this one. of course not. The Masochist in me is telling me to enjoy the abuse, but the sane part of me is telling me that he's an asshole. Cheating on me. Lying to me. Using me. I can fucking FEEEELLLL IT!

Why am I being this weak?
Why am I so pathetic?
What is wrong with me?

FUCK YOU!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
GET OUT OF MY LIFE
GET OUT OF MY MIND
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED!

FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK

fuck...................................................................................

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