Tuesday

It's so Hard

God... What am i supposed to say here? I mean - Things are going well, We're friends! It's great, because he's really an awesome person... but, he's still sleeping in my bed, and he still wraps his arms around me at night. To be honest, more than he used too. I think the stress of us being together was getting us both worked up, and a bit down.

It's easier this way.

I have another problem now though... Curt. he's great, he's a good friend. That's ALL I want us to be. Casual sex friends. Nothing more than that, but the way he acts is making me feel like I jumped out of one relationship that was forced on me, into another one that is being forced on me. It's not how I want things.

I don't want him to make me look like I'm his girlfriend, and the other night when we went to Walkers and The Roxy - that's how I felt. I do NOT want to be his. As a pet, sure; as a casual fuck, yes; but... things are getting complicated all over again.

I am scared that if he sees me at a bar, kissing another guy, he'll be offended. That's not the way I want this to work. I want him to be kissing other girls too. I want him to be fucking other girls. I want the freedom of being single. I need that. when I'm around him, that doesn't work.

I'll need to figure something out. I'll have to talk to him. I mean, I'm sure he'll understand... I hope he does. he does not want a relationship either (I think). If this starts being too much of a regular thing I will tell him that he has to stop. I'll have to.

I just have a lot of thinking to do I guess. It'll work out.

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