It Shouldn't Be This Hard

So I was supposed to go on a sorts date today thing... with a guy that seemed really nice. I was happy, got ready, and waited... and waited... and - he said if he doesn't call me, I should call him cuz he might forget, he's had a lot of shit to do lately with recording an album and doing a buncha editing and that sort of thing.

That's fine. I can understand.

8:00 comes around, I haven't heard from him, so I give him a call... no answer.

I can't really be mad. And I'm not... I'm just frustrated.

I'm used to fairly attentive guys. Brodie, Brandon, hell even James... they were just always THERE for me. if I wanted a hug, or someone to talk to... or if It was 3:00 in the morning and I needed a cheesecake and coffee fix, anything. It was just... there...

And now it seems I've been... I dunno. Am I just, really unattractive? Do I have a really aweful personality? Not funny? Not smiling enough? Not smart enough? Not MetaL enough?? What is it?

(Seriously, if your reading this - please tell me what I'm doing wrong... cuz I dunno anymore)

It just SUCKS! I'm finally at a point in my life where I know what I want. I want a relationship. something fun but serious. A long term sorta thing... Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong... I don't know anymore.

This just, It sucks so bad. I want a relationship so bad, just, a companion, someone to be there with. someone to hug and hold and talk to, someone to laugh at really bad movies with.

Why is that so sooo hard to find?


I'm really depressed now. I don't know why guys don't like me.

What kind of vibes do I send out?

Whats wrong with me?

Why cant I be the pretty, smart, funny girl that all those people I want seem to want? I can't count how many times I guy I like has gone for my friends, or roommates after they meet them. or like I'm the thing they take because they couldn't have that person.

It feels like I'm always in second place. maybe I'm the last place bronze medal or something... hell not even that. I'm like the consolation prize because they didn't win any of the ones the wanted.

*sigh* I hate myself right now.


Mr.GoodKat said...

<3 you always.

GabeBe said...

participation ribbon???? FUCK YOU ... if anything your the biggest trophy out there. and anyone would be crazy not to put you on a pedestal. And your attitude is awesome. Your personality is like a warm sunny day in the middle of summer, Your smile is like eating ice cream on that day. and your beauty is like a blooming Flower. Your laugh is like a puppy stuffed with adorable! You are an amazing, beautiful, Lovely, sexy, intelligent, easy to get along with, Fun woman!!! and i love you to the max, and then some... !!!!...