Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like everything is just going wrong? That's how today was for me. How long did I go since the last time I cut? Long enough I guess... and this time it was worse than ever. I don't even know why... I'm so stressed out, everything in my life is just breaking apart it feels. my body hurts, every inch of it and I can seem to stop thinking long enough to just relax and let myself be okay.

I'm so tired...

I just want to sleep so badly. I was in bed all day, and all I really want to do is go back there and lie down and fall asleep again. Everything sucks right now. I wish I could think of better words, but I can't...


25 questions that provoke thought

  • What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you aren’t dying?
Oddly enough... I'm not sure I've ever thought of myself in the idea that I'm not dying. As we age we die and I wake every morning with the knowledge in my head that I realize I am slowly dying...

  • Do you believe in the death penalty? What if someone murdered your mother in cold blood? What if someone murdered a stranger’s mother, but saved your life the month before?
It all depends on the situation. NOTHING is that black and white. Life is all a shade of grey, and should be treated as such.

  • If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend
That person would totally be my friend, and I'd be just as blunt with her as she is with me. Honesty can hurt, but it's STILL honest.

  • Would you rather be rich and paralyzed from the waist down or poor and able bodied?
Poor and able bodied please and thank you. money is not happiness in my world.

  • What’s the most expensive gift you have ever received? Is it the best gift you have ever received?
My computer - it is the most useful, but I'm pretty sure the best gift I received was not something that was bought.

  • When was the last time you lied? Is it possible to lie without saying anything at all?
Today? Yesterday...? and yes, yes it is.

  • Stealing is immoral, right? But what if stealing was the only way to feed a starving child?
Steal the shit - it not that hard to make that decision.

  • If I gave you $20, what percentage would you – really – save? If I gave you $200,000, what percentage would you save? Should there be a difference?
None, I'm too broke to save any of it - it'd go to food. $200,000 -- whatever I didn't need to pay off my debt and live comfortable would be saved.

  • If someone could tell you the exact day and time that you are going to die, would you want them to tell you?
Yes - I'd make the most out of my life before that day. I could be happy, and make amends with all the shit I've done wrong.

  • If you found out you were going to die today, would you have any regrets? Would you be happy with the way you spent the last 24 hours of your life?
No real regrets, but I would not be happy with how I spent my last 24 hours... maybe I should change something in my life?

  • What’s your single greatest moment of personal failure? Looking back on it now, did it make you weaker or stronger? What did you learn?
Let me come back to this one?

  • Do the words ‘freedom’ and ‘liberty’ mean not being persecuted or discriminated against, or do they mean doing whatever you please?
Freedom to me means Live and let live.

  • Have you ever discriminated against someone? Imagine that a street gang notorious for wearing purple shirts has robbed and murdered several hundred people in your town. If a man wearing a purple shirt just rang your doorbell, would you answer it?
Better to be safe than sorry, love... hate to say it, but it's true.

  • Is it crazier to choose to be poor or to spend 40 years of your life hating 40 hours a week?
It's crazier to spend 40 years of your life hating 40 hours a week. Be happy. you never know what could happen.

  • Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time? How many hours a week do you spend watching TV, or playing video games, or…?
I have too much time. Need to find something productive to do.

  • Do you ever celebrate the green lights?
Like.. traffic lights? I don't drive...

  • If you could be given another talent or ability, what would you want it to be? Have you ever – really – tried to perfect this ability in yourself?
Sing? Play guitar, something like that I think... No, I haven't... don't have the funds to buy a guitar and I'm too shy to sing when people are around.

  • No matter how bad things get, are you aware that someone always has it worse than you do?
Yes, but when I'm depressed, I don't very much give a shit.

  • When you help someone, do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”
Sometimes I guess, but usually I just like being a good person...

  • Joy is found with simple awareness. What does your joy look like today?
Pie... Joy is pie.

  • What’s the difference between ‘living’ and ‘existing?’
Doing something you love simply because you can.

  • Are you willing to sacrifice the life of your child or lover to support a war?
Not a fucking chance.

  • Do you ask enough questions, or do you settle for what you know?
I constantly question shit. Knowledge is power... ask questions and listen to the fucking answer.

  • If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
Yeah - I'd not put up with all the crap I put up with in high school. I'd do that over a gain in a heartbeat.

  • If your life was a novel, what would be the title and how would your story end?
Dunno - my story isn't finished yet.