I went to a basement metal show last night. Autaric... A band my friend Owen plays in. It was awesome. As I stood there, in a room filled with smoke, long haired metal heads, beer, and Loud fucking music I smiled. That Is where I want to spend my life.

In a small, cramped, smoky, loud basement filled with MY PEOPLE.

It's come to my attention, slowly, over a vast number of days that I am no longer the little goth girl I used to be. I am a metal head. I like the people. The atmosphere. THE MUSIC! The people... god how I love the people.

I have never felt more comfortable in a room of people I don't know. My one connection to the entire thing was standing up playing some of the most wicked guitar riffs I've ever seen, screaming out lyrics and ... just... not caring. and DRUNK, god was he drunk.

But it was good! He was good!

That is where I belong.

I don't know how many times I've told people I simply aspire to BE... I don't want to be SOMEONE I want to be myself. I just want to live and let the music and the scene and the people engulf me. I grew up around hard music. Rough people. Dark, dank little bars and trashy parties. and I LOVE it.

Does that make me white trash?

If it does... do I care?

Should I?

Should anyone?

The energy.... when you see those guys on stage in a tiny little bar, or a basement and everyone's giving it their all because it's part of them. It's part of who they are and you can just FEEL it. Like a wave that washes over you a thousand times. You can feel the wind from the mosh-pit and everyone headbanging and hair is everywhere.

We probably all smell like sweat and booze and cigarette smoke, and we look like hell, but it's great! We don't judge each other. We all look the same. and nobody understands the fucking lyrics anyway so we all just scream and clap and cheer and have a good time and LIVE!

This is where I want to spend the rest of my life.

This is who I am.

In a dark, dingy, empty basement; save for a guitar and speakers, hanging out with friends, meeting new friends and listening to good heavy music.

Swiming and Life Updates

Yay!! Well my good friend/soon to be roommate Britney and I are going swimming today and maybe a picnic :D It'll be fun! I'm excited. haven't gone swimming in a really long time, so it'll feel good to get out there again heheh.

As for LIFE

Well... i have a house to live in! YAY! Not that I'm homeless or anything right now... It's just, all my stuff is at Angels/Dez's, I'm mostly at moms, and... well yeah. >.< I hate riding the bus. Hate it, with a passion.!! hahah

I should maybe be getting ready for swimming, or something.... whatever lol ... I'm ... I'm kind of exhausted. and the amount of coffee I'm drinking is really making my tummy hurt, big time. :( sad face.

I want to get to work on some more artwork, or something. It'd be nice... I

I dunno.

HUGS
LOVE YOU ALL!!!

:) :)

So fucking tired

i don't even really want to type in here, but It's something to do because I am at my moms and I really have nothing else to do ... so whatever. I'm not sure what to write.... I'm tired.

I stayed up all night, I want to say why.. i want to say what i was doing and who i was doing it with and hahaha fuck. I want to say how fun it was but I probably shouldn't do that. I kind of want to fantasize about it for a bit though. the things he said ... things he did. God... yeah.

whatever.

I'm so tired.

I need to go to bed, goodnight.

Dirt Junkie

I have a new stort account, with two stories on it currently.

Lost in a Dirt Junkies Mind
and
Heroin, I Hate You

Please read them and leave a review (there is a link at the bottom of the story)
<3<3

I would love you forever if you did ^_^

Hugs and love!!

Fish and Bird

HAHA Fucking funny quotes from the story I'm reading :P

>If you don't pre-purchase a site before your untimely demise, do they just stick you wherever? Always kinda wondered that. Would suck if you're into feng-shui.

>I bet old people play dead just for fun. I sure would.

>For all I know she could be the head of some crazy cult, intent on world domination or something. She might even have kids.

>The window is only inches from the bookshelf and after I take a few sugar sachets from my bag I crack the venetian blinds, actually hoping to see something decent.

Oh, what a fool I am.

Miles and miles of green. Hills, valleys, dips and curves. Grass, grass, grass, for fucking miles. Cows. Goddamn cows.

“Fuck you too.” I snap, and yank the blinds shut.

>Sometimes I have this wicked craving for longer hair, just so I can whip my towel around it like all the girls do. It just looks so neat!

>Oh, young love. It's amazing how often it can be mistaken for vampirism.

okay.. yeah I'm done for now ^_^

---

I Remember A Time

I used to sit and write for hours on end... just writing. Letting out my fustration and anger and hurt. my happyness, my excitement.. Everything. I havn't written in so long and I don't remember why.. i love writing. I like the feeling of watching a white page come to life with words and smuges and emotions..

I'm going to try to write more... more stories
more journal entries
more poems
more random thoughts...

More of anything really...

It just feels GOOD to write again :)

I'll try.. try to be back tomorrow with a real update on my life... or maybe later tonight when I can't sleep because my thoughts are drifting so fast it feels like they are choking me.

<3<3

Until then.. here is a list of stories everyone should read :)

Brady Remington Landed Me In Jail

Homesick Abortion

Spinning in Straight Lines

Stupid Post It Notes

All amazingly written stories by very talented writers :) Enjoy

QDB - Funny Quotes from IRC

(pervert_) i wear a shirt that says "I'm gay - it's contageous"
(pervert_) not cuz im gay
(pervert_) it's so i don't get jacked
(pervert_) wait....that sounds bad

----

(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .

----

I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
lol
what?

----

I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
and I actually laughed out loud

----

**You know you're in a Racist channel when you see this**
(19:22:54) I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
(19:22:59) Dead?
(19:23:01) In the Field?
(19:23:02) In jail?
(19:23:06) Killing each other?
(19:23:08) Stealing?
(19:23:09) Covered in blood?
(19:23:11) 5$ a piece?
(19:23:13) Stupid?
(19:23:20) ...
(19:23:31) BLACK YOU FUCKING RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

----

<@codstar> rice crispies and hangovers don't go together
<@codstar> first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu

----

you're smarter than the average american
of course. i'm canadian.

----

he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
like, HUGE costume
8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
at some anime con in california
they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
he's riding the elevator down to the con space
doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

----

they're all shit in my....WHAT THE FUCK?
it sounded like someone just tried to kick the door in
brb
i open the door
someone's lying there
wtf
they came to deliver a pizza leaflet
tripped up the step
smashed into the door
and fell over

--

Okay... I'm done for now!! ROFL