I'm still bored, there is still nothing to do. So this is my third blog post today and none of it has been even remotly interesting or important.

Joi

Thinking of playing Sims 3 for a while, but I dunno. Watched Alice in Wonderland for the first time today. It was really good! I rather enjoyed it. Maybe I'll escape to my room and watch another movie? Probably not.

The dishwasher is almost finished which means it's almost time for me to cook supper for the roomie and I.

Mmmmm PASTAGETTI with butter and salt :)

Neo-Karma

Homesick Abortion

This is an excerpt from one of my favorite stories of all time...

hope you enjoy it as much as I do hahahah ..

I think I'm probaby going hell, aren't I?

Once, I was asked if I believed in karma. It was by some chick I had just been telling that her parents had gotten a divorce because of her stupidity. She was crying when she asked it, and told me I was going to get reborn as a grub and then struck by lightning. She then ran away before letting me answer.

Of course I believe in karma. In fact, I'm a very intricate part of the system: I like to deal out some karma myself. Or at least neo-karma – people now-a-days have no patience for old-fashioned karma where you had to get reborn and shit like that. Neo-karma is all about speed. No one doesn't deserve what I do or say to them. You were a fucking bitch in high school and cheated on your boyfriend. Thirty years later, your son gets in a car accident and dies. You visit his roadside grave every week to appease your own guilt while at the same time planning to adopt some kid from Pakistan. One day you visit the grave and there's this picture of a burning stranger and stomped on flowers. Expensive flowers. And say you're a horrible little brat that always gets what you want, when you want it, and you start doing meth. When your parents find out, you refuse to go to counseling because you're 18 and they can't make you. A year later, your parents get a divorce, and they tell you it wasn't your fault. Well I'm here to tell you it was you fucking fault. You tip a waitress well, and she uses that money to buy heroine from the fucker that gives your wife AIDS – so you divorce the cheating slut and marry a single mom nurse and make a real fucking home for once. But then you later forget to send your dying wife a birthday card and write her out of your will, so your step son starts to get kicks from being a sick fuck and hides your invitation to her funeral. You don't pay that Salvation Army guy in front of the store so you slam your fingers in the car door. You make fun of vulnerable people and you get diabetes. Fucking karma at its fucking greatest.

And I'm proud to say I'm part of the neo-karma system everyone's so excited about. The school gets rid of tag because a kid might be inadequate or they discourage auditions because it could make a kid feel inferior, or they make encouraging posters and post them in the hallways and tell the ugly fat kids that everyone's beautiful and it's the inside the counts. If a kid can't play tag because he wheezes from the asthma he got from his parents smoking, he deserves to fucking know he's an unhealthy fucktard freak and should give up any plans he had about being a professional sports player. And if you can't fucking act, you deserve to know not to quit your fucking day job. My part in the neo-karma system is to tell people second place really is for losers, that we've all made second place, and that it's too late to advance because the race is already over. That there is no such thing as "an individual" and that no matter how hard you try to get to the top of that mountain, you're going to have to make your fucking way down again, and get a knee injury on the fucking way.

That it really is the outside that counts, and that's why they made job interviews. That calling a skinny anorexic 'fat' is worse than calling a fat anorexic 'fat', but telling an ugly person they're ugly is worse than telling a hot person they're ugly – but still as satisfying. That there is not such thing as being 'big boned,' you're just fat. That if you think its your fault, it probably is – and if you don't think its your fault, you're a conceited slut. And that I don't fucking care that the commercial says cholesterol runs in your family, there's no excuse for you to eat that cheesecake, you obnoxiously fat slut – but there's also no excuse for me not to eat it in front of you, bitch.

Oh Dear

I have absolutly nothing to write about - but I want to write... was thinking of doing a movie review, but now I'm too lazy. That's pretty pathetic isn't it?

Life seems to be sort of turning around for me now, which is good.

I have two jobs, housekeeping, and another apartment cleaning job. But they both pay very well and I'm quite happy with where I am in my life right now. Found out I'm hypoglicemic which is well... whatever, really. Doesn't make that much of a diference to my life so I don't really care. On the other hand I also found out I weigh a whole total of 83 pounds and wow... yeah - not so healthy at all.

The doctor (yes I have a new family doctor and she's actually working on finding out why I'm loosing so much weight which is awesome!) Anyway, my doctor gave me some meal suplements that I'm supposed to take with my food, but - even though I have been drinking them, eating three meals a day - I've lost a pound and a bit. Which I know seems small, but when you only weigh 83 pounds loosing anything is a bit worrysome.

I'm also back on antianxiety drugs which is great. Needed them so very badly. I'm getting back to feeling like a normal human being which is great :)

I'm thinking of getting back to work writing on some stories, or working on a comic. I need an outlet of some type.

Also, my music folder is failing me, if anyone has any new music that they want to share with me that would be awesome, because I'm really really getting bored with my colection.

Oh, and the roomie and I gotted outselves a wee beasty - her name is Harley David Quinn. Yay... most loving cuddly cat I've ever met in my life and she is amazing. One day when I get my camera working again I'll have to put up some pictures of her.

Sorry this post is so boring and useless - I'll get back into the swing of things again soon. promise. :)

I Has A Sad

Don't know why... been thinking about Tysene non stop for days.
Feels bad, Man...

... if it wasn't for the fact that I have to go to a concert with my brother tomorrow... I would be in a very very deep slumber right now, and it wouldn't have even hurt that bad. Oh and I didn't want Brit to find me... Guess my plans for the evening have been ruined. hahahaha...

...

Fuck.. Need To Write Something

...
...
.
.
I'm just really scared

I'm tired of all the bad things that happen.
I'm tired of being stressed out
and tired
and sick
and worried
and scared
and stressed
and worried
and scared
and sick
and scared
.
..
.
I want Mom to be okay
and I want to be able to pay rent next month
and I want to stop feeling horrible
and I want Roger to leave me alone
and I want to sleep
I want to not dream for a night
.
..
.
I want to learn to play an instrument
I want to learn to love myself
I want to learn that it'll be okay
I want to learn how to love people
I want to learn a new language
I want to go back to school
I want to find a place to find hope
I want to give up
I want to run away
I want to learn to live

So I really haven't been doing a whole lot other than work, playing The Sims and watching You Tube vidjeo's... So I thought I'd just go ahead and share some of the people that I subscribe too ---

=3 - Ray William Johnson
Equals 3 is a wonderful, funny channel, it's great - I have nothing more to say, just watch it. You'll love it.

Breaking NYC - Ray William Johnson
This is the same guy that does =3 - it's his personal Vlog which is just as interesting, in a totally different way. He's a eally col guy, check out his shit.

Uhm.. actually- that's it, really... Just those two - if you want to check out his roommates Vlog it's on his page - The Will of DC -- and his friend Tessa - Meekakitty. I don't think they're as good, really... but you might find them interesting, so go for it. Watch a couple episodes and decide for yourself or whatever.

To be honest, I'm kinda thinking of starting my own Vlog thing, maybe... We'll see.