For the last few months I have slowly come to the realization that I desperatly want to get married and have kids and own a house.

This is NOT okay with me.

I never wanted to get maried nor did i ever plan on having children. My life goal was to be a proffisional homeless person and live on the streets of Vancouver and possably make documentries and inject herion. This was my LIFE GOAL! Life goal... yeah, trust me, I know it's patetic and insane.

But now I'm like "JOB! BOYFRIEND! WANT KIDS! NEED A GOOD HOUSE! NO DRUGS! DRUGS ARE BAD!"

And I can assure you I've never done herion, or really any drug for that matter and I'm not entirely sure where my obsession for herion came from though personally I'm going to blame Nikki Sixx and his stupid book which I've read 30 times and still don't get tired of.

Fuck you Nikki Sixx.

Anyway - I did have a thought process here..

Oh yeah - Kids and marrage. I don't even have a boyfriend... I don't particularly even want a boyfriend. I just want to get married and be done with it and have kids and get divorced and be awesome because I'm a woman I can raise my god dammed kids on my fucking OWN! like an ADULT! YEA!

I dunno.

I'm done now.

I just needed to let the world know that my life goal has changed from being a homeless herion addict to actually being something productive with childs.

PRAISE ME!

<3

Feels Bad

So I've been sitting here for the last couple days thinking. See, everybody has their "thing" that one awesome thing they're really good at and really passionate about. I .. I don't have that "thing". I don't know what my "thing" is... and it's bothering me.

See, I concider myself to be an okay artist, a somewhat good writer, and okay photographer. But I can't say I have anything to call my own.

My roommate is GREAT when it comes to computers and videogames. My brother is Awesome at tech support/computers/gaming; Anything that has to do with technology really. My friends, all of them, have a thing that they are known for be that Cars or accents or photography. Insane knowledge about the occult, music, tv series. Whatever.

I have NOTHING that I'm actually REALLY passionate about. Nothing that I'm really good at and it's starting to bother me. When it comes right down to it... I'm basicly nobody.

Feels bad man.

I'd really like to find my "thing"...

Harley David Quinn

This is Harley - the newest addition to our house.

She was living behind mom's house for about two weeks when it started getting cold, so when nobody came to pick her up, she called me and my roommate.

Huzzah - Kitteh!

Many loves.

Funky Cat Maybe ..?

So my mother is going back to the hospital today... I hope they find whatever is killing her.

Five years -- FIVE YEARS -- of fucking doctors visits and they can't figure it out. On the plus side she has grounds for a lawsuit on her las doctor who simply put her on anti-depressents and said "It's all in your head".

All I know is that with the amount of pain she's in she doesn't even get out of bed anymore. Feels bad, man... I don't want my mom to die. I mean - she's not even 50 yet. This sucks.

My uncle went into the doctor the other day too, They found something on his lung. I'm fucking tired of the people I love dying off.

Tysene
Natasha
Grandma n Grandpa B.
Grandma and Grandpa C.

Sorry this post is so depressing, I just fucking hate everything today.

The roommate and I were talking last night, about being kids and playing and how all you want to do when you're little is grow up. I don't want to grow up anymore. I don't want to have to watch my parents get old and die. I mean, What do I have left once they're gone?

I have a whole total of about 3 friends left in this city. Maybe I will just run away with Angel when she goes. Maybe I'll start new like I did when I moved to BC.

but I LIKE living here.

I like our metal bar.

I like Sailor Dan and Guitar Man Matt and Homeless Steve

Fuck It.

Here's a cute Video.



^_^ I love it heh

Let Me Vent

1. My iTunes no longer works with my ipod, in that my ipod no longer syncs or is even noticed by iTunes. Fuck you apple.

2. Bought a new camera, does not come with SD card. Fuck you Polaroid.

3. My ex messaged me again. Fuck you too.

4. Work called me off, I made zero money today. Fuck you boss.

5. My cat just groped my roommates boob.
7. I love you too ghostie baby *love*

Tattoo?

Crow -- Plan on getting it on my back...
Text I plan on getting on my side
Spider Jerusalem (Transmetropolitan) Probably on the back of my leg

Anyway... my question to you is... Which one should I spend my hard earned moneys on first??

Filth Hi

the yellowish greedy bugs are my frustrated sympathizers
the rotten apple in my gastric juices.
won't you try some of the soup of sexual desire
The dripping pink maggots soaked in the Formaldhyde of Sadistic Desire
The rotten strawberry down in there
A sour marinee prepared with blood
~ Dir En Grey

So I was snooping through some of my old blogs/journals/websites... and came across a bunch of pictures from Highschool. It was pretty crazy to see after all these years. I don't talk to half those people anymore... Hell, I don't talk to any of those people anymore. Forgot about a bunch of em.

I realize this post is kind of pointless to some of you who read the blog, but still - just wow, looking back and seeing how much I've changed since then. I went from Baby-goth, to fake wanna-be Raver chik, to Prep and metal head and everything else in between and it's just strange to look back and be like "Why the fuck did I think that looked good!?"

I thought I knew everything back then, I though I had my whole life planned out! I was going to own a coffee shop in Singapore and teach english. And now... now i'm still in my same little city, hanging out at the same dingy metal/rock bar with the same coke freaks and druggies that have always been there.

Surprisingly... I'm content with my life though. Right now - sitting in a gross bar with gross people drinking overpriced beer and rum, listening to metal and Industrial Music is exactly where I want to be. I'm not so sure my parents are proud.

"My folks don't know I live this way
and I'm scared to say, but
This might be my life"
~Pop Debris

I'm SURE some of you (all of you) have changed since your highschool years. And I can't be the only one who's content with being what society conciders to be a 'failure'...